Administration Mulls Coronavirus Senatorial Fact-Finding Tour

( As the Wuhan coronavirus continues to spread around the world, health officials in the U.S. have expressed frustration at the lack of information coming out of its country of origin, China. With 15 major Chinese cities are effectively on lock-down, officials from the CDC and other agencies say the virtual blackout involving 57 million people is making it difficult to get a grasp on this looming health crisis.

At a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new state-of-the-art debtor prison in Baltimore on Saturday, the president addressed this issue and promised swift action.

“My administration is going to be putting together a fact-finding tour, made up of some senators, some fine senators, to travel over there and look into this thing,” President Trump said. “They are a little busy right now with the witch hunt, which is a complete waste of time, but afterwards, we’ll be picking senators that we feel should be going.”

On The Front Lines

The selected senators will be flown into the most infected areas of China to carry out face-to-face talks with those who are sick with the coronavirus. They will also be responsible for collecting samples of the virus, and will live for several weeks within the settings there the virus has propagated fastest to try to get a sense of what factors cause the disease to spread the more quickly.

“This is a very important assignment, and we will be selecting the participating senators very carefully based on a variety of criteria,” said one administration staffer. “At the same time, we don’t wish to hamper the important work that the Senate will have to do after this impeachment foolishness is over.

“Those vital and committed to the Trump and Senate agenda through their deeds and actions should probably stay in Washington. Others, well… there are many ways to serve.”

Tackling Coronavirus Head-On

While the final decision on participating senators will not be made until after the senate impeachment vote, the administration is wasting no time in ramping up their epidemic response with the appointment of an official coronavirus mascot – Sneezy Snake (logo pending) – who is advising Americans to avoid Chinese food and wash their hands “at leasssssssst every other day!”


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