#BunkerBoy’s #babygate Is First Step Toward’s Trump’s Next Acquisition

( The 1.7 miles of black fencing that now makes up the official White House security zone was assumed to have been erected to deal with the peaceful demonstrations that have been raging in Washington over the past two weeks. In a exclusive, we can now confirm that this fencing is actually the new border for the pending Trump Federal Greens Golf Course.

“It’s been in the planning stages for a while now. The protests have just given the administration the justification they needed to move forward,” says Amanda White, Chief Sports Editor. “Trump Federal Greens is a done deal. All that remains is the question: how large will it be?”

Trump Federal Greens is expected to take up the entire 80 acres that make up the area known as The Ellipse. Independent course designers have admitted to that this should be enough to squeeze in a seven-hole course.

It is assumed that President Trump will not accept this.
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Professional Lick Tag League To Debut Friday

Juicy Units left tongue tackle Bo Jones shows his game face

( Those seriously jonesing for some professional sports action during self-isolation will be in luck on Friday with the debut of a brand-new professional sport: lick tag. The first game of the American Professional Lick Tag League will take place in Tulsa Friday night when the Tulsa Trump-Tonguers take on the Colorado Springs Slobber Monsters.

According to Trump-Tonguers’ owner Terri Duvall, what started out as a joke has quickly become a serious and pivotal element of the new Dying To Work movement.

“A bunch of us fellers were getting together every night to head down to the courthouse and do our God-given protesting,” says Duvall. “In addition to dancing with our guns, owning the libs, and just overall yelling in people’s faces and shit, we would also joke around. You know: ‘I’m going to touch you, no, I’m going to touch you more. Well, I’m going to lick you, ooo, I lick you back.’ And I was like, ‘Hmm, fellers, I got an idea!’”
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White House: Baseball Boos Actually Halloween Cheers

( When the camera panned over and caught President Trump on the big screen at Sunday’s World Series game, it appeared that many in the attending crowd started to boo.

Yes… and definitely no, says the White House.

“Those weren’t boos, pinhead,” says a White House source who requested anonymity in the event she wasn’t disparaging enough to the press. “You know what Thursday is, right, idiot? Those were Halloween cheers, and the president thanks every one of his devoted subjects who wished him a Happy Halloween in this special way. Boo to you too, Real Americans! Boo! Boo!”

The spin has already filtered out to several prominent Republicans, who spent the early part of Monday festively booing each other on Twitter.

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