“Happy Holidays!” Could Get You Fired This Year

(PenrosePapers.com) Christmas kicked off a little early this year in Washington DC with an executive order issued by President Trump which may have federal employees wondering if they will make the naughty or nice list.

Executive Order 2734-L – or Put Christmas Back in Christmas Or Else, as it is being called – seeks to ban the use of the phrase “Happy Holidays” on the federal level. And the punishment for using this lesser Christmas greeting will be severe.

“Say it once and you’re gone. Chestnuts roasting on an open fired,” says Margaret Skayvy, Vice Chairwoman of the government’s new Department of Religious Christian Stuff. “This year our great and wonderful president has vowed to win the war on Christmas, finally and for always, bone spurs or no bone spurs.”

Put Christmas Back in Christmas Or Else is but the first shot in what is expected to be a protracted battle over the next two months, one that administration officials feel will consume Washington.

“It is such an important issue, and it should dominate all news cycles, driving lesser stories back to the ratty shadows where they belong,” says Vice Chairwoman Skayvy.

And this order doesn’t just get rid of “Happy Holidays.”

“Oh no, we’ve done a few things with this, not just the Happy H-word ban,” says Skayvy. “It sets limits for menorah sizes – not too large now – and dictates how many crosses should be clearly visible on federal trees, which is a whole formula thing based on tree and cross size. It also allocates a huge wad of cash for the First Lady’s annual Christmas decorating bonanza, which this year she’s promising will be a more personalized display that she is calling ‘Elf This!’

“So exciting!”


-If you’d like to support this and future articles, you can do so on Patreon.com. Thanks!

You may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Pin It on Pinterest