Health Professionals Issue COVID-19 Warning: Avoid Republicans!

( Since the early days of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, the National Association of Practicing Virologists has been leading the charge on preventative measures. One of the first organizations to advocate for universal mask wearing, they have also been steady in their recommendations concerning hand washing, personal space issues, and crowd avoidance.

On Thursday, they announced their latest virus-avoidance recommendation.

Avoid Republicans.

“Just stay the hell away from them,” says NAPV Director Dr. David Montgomery. “Don’t walk with them, don’t talk with them. The usually distance we recommend staying away from normal folks is six feet, which is vital for cutting down on virus transmission rates.

“For Republicans? I dunno… 25 feet? I honestly am guessing here, because my real recommendation is: they enter your zip code, run.”

Dr. Montgomery says its usually pretty easy to spot a Republican. He recommends avoiding anyone exhibiting any of the following:

  • Not wearing a mask (Dr. M: “A clear sign.”)
  • Wearing a mask and complaining about it nonstop (Dr. M: “Also pretty obvious, particularly if they ask to see the manager.”)
  • Wearing a red hat (Dr. M: “Maybe a Republican.”) that says MAGA (Dr. M: “Scratch the maybe.”)
  • Flying American flags in the back of their trucks (Dr. M: “Unless they’re in a parade, Republican. You know what, EVEN if they’re in a parade…”)
  • Wearing or displaying clothing or other items with any version of the confederate flag, Civil War southern icons, or any clothing with the terms “Libtard,” “Liberal Tears,” “Fake News!”, or “All Lives Matter” on it; or alternately gathered in a group with a bunch of gun toting, camo-clad, possibly Hawaiian shirt-wearing men with… (Dr. M: “Yeah, stopping you there. Again, just run.”)

To those claiming that such people are only trying to hasten herd immunity, Dr. Montgomery laughs.

“They only thing they are hastening is herd idiocy,” says Dr. Montgomery. “Serious, for folks who so often don’t believe in Darwin, they sure seem to be fanboys.”


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