Mini-Airplanes Seen as Cure for Pandemic Economic Pain

( With the coronavirus crippling large sections of the United States and thrusting much of its population into economic uncertainty, the Trump administration has been under increasing pressure to ease voters’ worries. While plans such as $1000 checks, tax cuts, and other stimulus proposals have generated some support, one audacious effort has become a surprising favorite of many politicians, regardless of party.

“What was it: a chicken in every pot? Well, now we’re looking at an airplane in every garage,” says a source close to the program that is proving popular with both Democrats and Republicans. The 2020 Mini Personal Airplane Recovery Act would seek to do what just a year ago would have seemed impossible: give a small airplane to every adult in America.

“It sounds demented, but there are actually a variety of benefits of such a program,” says The Penrose Papers’ Economics Editor Ted “Pudge” Pudgkowski.

“These planes only fit one person, which is as socially isolating as it gets. No more cramming into a 747, with that viral threat,” says Pudge. “It’s a huge job creation tool. Folks will be needed to build the planes, service them, fuel them, and even teach people how to fly them in the first place. You also save a ton of money on traditional infrastructure. Bridge falls down? Fly over it… big whoop.”

The Trump administration seems eager to move forward with the 2020 Mini Personal Airplane Recovery Act, with Jared Kushner being surprisingly appointed to serve as the first Mini-Plane Czar. Czar Kushner’s first official act was to name the startup The Ivanericadon Junior Plane Corporation as the sole manufacturer for this new $14,000,000,000,000 transportation revolution.

“Going with one company will help to hold costs down, while our off-shore shell company corporate structure… uh, like sliced cheese, it’s good, no politics. You know what I’m saying? The best neutraled company ever,” says Ivanericadon spokesman John Barron.

The first gold-accented Trumplane – as they are being called – is expected to roll off the assembly line as early as May 1st.


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