NavSec’s Career Torpedoed in Board Game Beat-down

( With rain soaking the greens he likes to usually stroll on weekends, President Trump found himself on Saturday with some unaccustomed downtime and a sudden urge to solve a vexing problem. So he got on the phone.

Navy Secretary Richard Spencer picked up on the twenty-seventh ring.

“It was caller ID. He saw it was me and he picked up,” recalled President Trump during a random Monday morning call into Fox and Friends. “I said ‘Hey sailor boy, let’s fix this. Wanna play a game?’ He said sure, so I kept score for both of us, perfect score.

“It was like two hours later – I think it was E-5 – and Boom! E-5. I sunk his battleship!” the excited chief executive said.

The Battleship game was part of a cache of 70s and 80s games left over from the declining years of the Reagan administration, when President Reagan developed a fondness for them and sent aides scouring through Washington for copies of Trouble, Stay Alive, Mouse Trap, and more.

President Trump apparently stumbled upon the games in a little-used closet a couple of weeks ago while trying to hide from his daily medication regiment.

“Considering how much he hates taking his pills, we were rather surprised that ‘Operation’ was the first game he obsessed on,” said one White House staffer speaking off the record. “You’d hear buzzing and swearing coming from the Oval at all hours, and then of course, he had to take it to the next level.”

The weekend trip to Walter Reed has been spun as everything from a partial physical to a meet and greet with wounded soldiers, but it was all a ruse to hide the fact that President Trump wanted to try his gaming skills on a warm body.

“He’s the supreme commander in war theaters, you expect me to tell him no in the operating theater?” said one of the Walter Reed physicians on call that day. “He came in, we gave him something simple – an appendectomy, I think – and he left. He seemed disappointed that there was no buzzing.”

And the patient?

“We’re not allowed to discuss the medical records of any living (pause) or dead patient,” the doctor said.

In the end, it sounds like ex-Navy Secretary Richard Spencer got off lucky, although the spin on what led to his dismissal will likely go on for days without even getting close to the truth.

In the meantime, President Trump has moved on.

“There were a couple of days there where Candyland was a huge hit – and a tragic 10 minutes where lawn Jarts were a thing – but he seems to really be enjoying Hungry Hungry Hippos at the moment,” the White House staffer said. “Fingers crossed we’re not suddenly motorcading to the nearest zoo tomorrow.”


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