Senate to Vote on Participation Trophies for All Americans

(PenrosePapers.com) While an increase in stimulus checks to $2000 seems all but dead in the Senate, progress was made Friday on a bill that would acknowledge American sacrifice and perseverance during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic.

The 2020 Donald J. Trump Participation Trophy Bill would award every U.S. citizen who survived the year with a luxurious faux-gold leaf trophy suitable for display on bookshelves, coffee tables, or homemade shrines.

“More lasting than money – which would just be spent – these trophies will be a solid testament to all those Americans who refused to give up their freedom despite hounding from the liberals and the press,” said a spokesperson for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “Proudly displaying your participation trophy will show that while you may not be quite winning, you certainly are not quite dead yet, either.”

While the bill is currently sailing through the Senate, insiders say it originated in the White House. Indeed, President Trump has been tweeting about it extensively over the weekend.

“PARTICIPATION TROPHIES FOR ALL!! Designed by your FAVORITE PRESIDENT!! I have an early version – bigger than others, of course – and keep it on the Resolute Desk. So PROUD, so BEAUTIFUL – be PATRIOTIC and get one for yourself (or two) today!” President Trump tweeted Saturday morning.

While the trophies will be free for every American, there is a small shipping and handling charge ($79.99) for each trophy. Additions such as Cyrillic Engraving ($7/letter; “#MAGA” can be engraved for free) and a lovely Trump Towerette Display Case ($249.99) are also available. 2020 participation trophies can be requested through the newly launched website, TrumpTrophies.com.

The 2020 Donald J. Trump Participation Trophy Bill is expected to reach a final vote on Monday, January 4.

 

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