golf

Trump to Depart DC in Golf Cart One

(PenrosePapers.com) President Trump has long bucked tradition when it comes to the various day-to-day routines of the presidency, and his last departure as president from the White House on Wednesday will be no different. Instead of a presidential helicopter, limousine motorcade, or armored column, President Trump has chosen to depart via golf cart.

“It’s a last sort of F.U. to President-elect Biden,” one aide acknowledged as he stuffed boxes and artwork into his Hyundai Monday. “This way he won’t have to ask Biden to borrow presidential cars or planes. It also is a nod to his legacy. Some of his finest accomplishments happened on the golf course, like that one time in ’18 where he wedged a 23-foot shot out of the bunker and sunk it.

“Oh, you haven’t heard about that? Lucky fucking you.” Continue reading

#BunkerBoy’s #babygate Is First Step Toward’s Trump’s Next Acquisition

(PenrosePapers.com) The 1.7 miles of black fencing that now makes up the official White House security zone was assumed to have been erected to deal with the peaceful demonstrations that have been raging in Washington over the past two weeks. In a PenrosePapers.com exclusive, we can now confirm that this fencing is actually the new border for the pending Trump Federal Greens Golf Course.

“It’s been in the planning stages for a while now. The protests have just given the administration the justification they needed to move forward,” says Amanda White, PenrosePapers.com Chief Sports Editor. “Trump Federal Greens is a done deal. All that remains is the question: how large will it be?”

Trump Federal Greens is expected to take up the entire 80 acres that make up the area known as The Ellipse. Independent course designers have admitted to PenrosePapers.com that this should be enough to squeeze in a seven-hole course.

It is assumed that President Trump will not accept this.
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