White House Contemplates Nationalizing Polling Data

(PenrosePapers.com) With 3 ½ months to go before the presidential election and a new political operative in charge of President Trump’s re-election campaign, The White House on Thursday signaled that it was giving serious thought to the way that presidential polling is conducted.

In a series of closed-door meetings with congressional allies and federal department heads, the Trump administration has proposed the creation of a Department of American Polling Standardization. Acting “Czar” Tabatha Hilton says the job of DOAPS will be to ensure fairness in the polling process.

“Rasmussen, Monmouth, Civiqs, polls run by universities and media outlets… There is a ton of presidential polling done every year, and it’s all over the map in terms of numbers,” says Czar Hilton. She holds up a piece of paper and stabs at it with a finely manicured finger.

“Look at just the past three weeks: Biden by 9, Biden by 15, Biden by 12, Biden by 10, Biden by 12, Biden by 8, Biden by 13, Biden by 13, Biden by 14… all over the place, right? How in the world is that fair to the American people? How can anyone get a sense of the race with numbers that varied? I mean, come on,” Czar Hilton says, a note of disgust creeping into her voice. Continue reading

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Tulsa Trump Fans Prepare For Maximum Show of Normalcy Saturday. Oh, And They Might Be Naked.

(PenrosePapers.com) When conservatives show up at President Trump’s Tulsa rally on Saturday, masks may not be the only thing they’ll have to turn over to gain entrance.

“President Trump is looking to project strength and courage with this, his first rally in months,” says a White House aide who requested anonymity. “And he knows his followers will agree. As such, we may ask them to surrender their clothing at the Tulsa rally gates.”

The thinking seems to be that if cramming yourself into a room with 20,000 sweaty overweight Midwesterners without wearing a mask is a sign of courage and resolve, then doing it stark naked and really risking infection is going to supersize courage, and project an unending resolve.

“For my president, the missus and I surely will do that, yes sir,” says Pete, a retired construction worker from nearby Bushyhead, Oklahoma. “So long as naked means that my Gwendolyn can still get her walker and colonoscopy bag in the place, then we’ll be there with bells on.

“Well, assuming they allow bells, I guess.” Continue reading

Trump to Commemorate 1961 Civil Rights Ride With Series of Rallies

(PenrosePapers.com) It’s only been a couple of days since the Trump Administration announced that it would be resuming the President’s signature rallies in Tulsa. Some have expressed outrage that the rally would be held on the site of the Tulsa Race Massacre, AND on the anniversary of Juneteenth, the date the Emancipation Proclamation was first read to newly-freed slaves.

Despite this, President Trump has apparently gotten enough positive feedback to expand the rally into a series of events that will occur over the early weeks of July. Continue reading


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