Tulsa Trump Fans Prepare For Maximum Show of Normalcy Saturday. Oh, And They Might Be Naked.

(PenrosePapers.com) When conservatives show up at President Trump’s Tulsa rally on Saturday, masks may not be the only thing they’ll have to turn over to gain entrance.

“President Trump is looking to project strength and courage with this, his first rally in months,” says a White House aide who requested anonymity. “And he knows his followers will agree. As such, we may ask them to surrender their clothing at the Tulsa rally gates.”

The thinking seems to be that if cramming yourself into a room with 20,000 sweaty overweight Midwesterners without wearing a mask is a sign of courage and resolve, then doing it stark naked and really risking infection is going to supersize courage, and project an unending resolve.

“For my president, the missus and I surely will do that, yes sir,” says Pete, a retired construction worker from nearby Bushyhead, Oklahoma. “So long as naked means that my Gwendolyn can still get her walker and colonoscopy bag in the place, then we’ll be there with bells on.

“Well, assuming they allow bells, I guess.”

Whether or not the rally crowd will be thumbing their noses au natural at COVID-19 is still an open question, as White House lawyers are in the process of examining various local, state, and federal decency laws. But should administration officials decide to go forward with this plan, they will have 20,000 Trump loyalists already on board.

“When you show up for tickets, there’s a terms of service section that lays out all the legalese surrounding the rally,” the aide says. “It’s usually the standard boilerplate stuff: no blue hats, no pets, no frowning, no food with funny foreign names, no misspelled signs, no minorities. Only this time we worked in an ‘I agree to strip naked to get into the rally if my president tells me to’ sort of thing.

“If we get the green light, they are legally obligated to strip.”

Note: The Penrose Papers has reached out to officials with both the Trump Conventions – Jacksonville branch and Trump Conventions – Charlotte branch for a clarification of their terms of service for convention attendees. We did not hear back by press time. Keep an eye on this page to learn whether a naked Mitch McConnell, Chuck Grassley, and Chris Christie are looming in your future.

 

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